Most Useful Tips for Living in the UK

1. Skype
http://www.skype.com/intl/en-gb/home
Skype is a free program you can download to your computer to make free international calls. You can chat, video-chat or just do voice calls. Group calls are also possible.
It the best and cheapest way I have found to stay in contact with family overseas! We love it.
The downside is that if your computer is an older model, you might have to do some searching to find a version that is compatible with your computer. I have a 5-year-old mac and had to search for Skype Version 2.8.0.866
Also it does have its hairy moments when things just do not work. It is good to have a backup plan if this happens. My parents have MagicJack and can call us with that if something breaks down. Some phone deals give you free international calls - this is only an option if you have BT to date.

2. Make use of helpful technology wherever possible.
For example: If you are constantly calling back and forth across the sea and time differences as noted above (and even if you do not now, then you probably will if you get pregnant or tragedy strikes on one side or another): make use of internet or computer based widgets which will provide clocks side by side of your time and your family's. So on those blurry, pregnancy/tragedy-wracked days you don't have to try to remember if it's forward or backwards or 5 hours or 6 hours, it's all there with one click. Or two. No more than two clicks or it would be faster to count on your fingers.
For apple users: add a second clock widget on your dashboard. Or two or three depending on how many time zones your family members reside in.

3. Print out a few handy sheets for baking conversions. I have attached my own sheets, which are probably a bit too comprehensive but I need them - I use them about once a week. But that's because Baking Day is once a week in our house so you might use them more than I (or less?). I have noticed that things like seasoning mixes and cake boxes cost more here. So instead of buying seasoning mixes and cake boxes, you tend to make your own seasoning blends and cakes UNLESS YOU CHEAT LIKE ME AND LINE YOUR SUITCASES WITH TACO SEASONING PACKETS. See note on "what to buy in the States" below.

4. Freecycle and freegle
Freecycle: http://www.freecycle.org/group/UK/Scotland
Freegle: http://www.ilovefreegle.org/
I LOVE freecycle. When people ask me, Isn't it terribly expensive having a baby? I try not to laugh. I got everything I needed on freecycle - or would have if I had wanted. We were gifted one or two things and my husband picked out a nicer highchair than you can generally find on freecycle to match our sitting room's decor. But generally you can find lots of things on freecyle for FREE, such as:
craft supplies, old curtains, packaging materials, cardboard boxes, roller blades, canned goods, high chairs, baby seats, strollers/pushchairs, cycle helmets, bikes, freezers, fridges, doors, tables, and even once I saw about 5 liters of Hershey's chocolate syrup!
What you do is email the person who is offering an item and ask if you may be considered the one to pick it up, and if so where and when to pick it up. You usually exchange cell numbers. It is important to be wise as serpents here and not stick your head into an eagle's claw but otherwise you'll be fine.
Freegle works the same as far as I can tell though it has a less sophisticated email riggamorole. Freecycle gives the option to send you one email a day with the Offers, Takens, and Receiveds in list format, whereas Freegle just dumps every email in your inbox. This could be as many as 30 a day. So if you like a nice tidy email inbox, do not sign up for freegle.

5. amozon.com
Or should I say amazon.co.uk? We use both! Instead of hauling presents halfway around the world every Christmas, we have an amazon.com account from which we order things from the States to the States. Likewise I have a wishlist on amazon.co.uk and my family can do the same for me! My husband and I were just married and setting up house and found that amazon.com had most things faster and cheaper (the exceptions were bulky and heavy things, which we bought from charity shops and T.K. Max. A few things were cheaper on ebay as well).

6. ebay.co.uk
'Nough said.

7. Be sensible about groceries
In this country a lot of people including me do not have cars. When you shop here,
a) do not try to carry too much
b) if you do want to carry too much and do not have enough slaves to do this for you, invest in a rolling grocery bag. They are sold at Poundstretchers and other general items for cheap shops.
c) if you find this too stressful, don't worry,  you can order your groceries online and have them delivered for a few pounds. We started doing this when I was pregnant and I was happily surprised. It was faster, easier, and turned out to be actually cheaper for us because I did not end up buying things that weren't on the list but just looked good or accidentally picking up the expensive version! Stores like to manipulate you. Online shopping puts the power in your hands. Needless to say I am NOT pregnant anymore but still using this.

8. Talk to locals. Here are a few years' of good tips I got from locals:
a) If you laundry line is sagging and dipping the cloths into the grass like ours, use a laundry line prop!
b) when someone has you over for dinner, call the next day to thank them. I used to write thank you emails but this really seems to be the cultural expectation and it's faster.
c) Do not ask for salt+pepper. This doesn't apply to every family but the ones where the granny attended Irish boarding school, the correct way to obtain salt and pepper (or a top-up for a drink, etc) is to turn to someone nearby and say: "Would you care for salt and pepper?" Even if they are eating icecream and wouldn't dream of adding salt and pepper, this is what you do to attain the salt and pepper if you really want it. Because they usually say, "No, but do YOU care for the salt and pepper?"

9. Size and weight conversions. Otherwise shopping can be very difficult!
http://www.usatourist.com/english/traveltips/shopping/shopping-womens-sizes.html

10. What to buy in the states
Know what is strategic to buy and bring back in the States, especially if you are only visiting home once in a blue moon (or once during your entire stay in the UK). Some things people have told me they like to buy in the States or have relatives bring for them:
Hershey's chocolate syrup (which you can coincidentally find on amazon or in specialty shops)
canned pumpkin (try Harvey Nichols or certain other specialty shops or Asian markets OCCASIONALLY have it for about £3.50)
taco seasoning packets
green chillies
containers of vanilla extract larger than half your pinkie
chocolate chips (the ones here are a bit melty - e.g. messy for toddlers - and don't taste quite the same as American ones)
shoes
clothes
contact lens liquid
the deodorant you liked at home
technology
boardgames
Christian homeschool curricula

Guest Blogger: Advice from a cross-cultural married lady in the trenches

I was engaged. I was clueless. This lady - let's call her C.S. - gave me a reality check. She had been married more than ten years. C.S. was from South Africa and living in the States the whole time. Here are the notes I took on what C.S. said:


"To the family back home
Write home when cheerful, not when about to explode.
Sometimes all your family needs to know is you're okay and thinking of them. Quick short paragraph emails.
If you are having a hard day, take a walk. Get some sunshine. Then come back and write to your mom.

Personal Strategies
When you feel worst, minister to others
Sometimes husbands get over-loaded! Find an older mentor to vent to / seek help from - someone who's rooting for both of you. Also if in-law problems come up, so he doesn't feel stuck in the middle.
But do go to your husband when you're homesick. He needs to be there for you.
Journal prayers
Quiet time
Don't not visit for a year.
Mental prep for goodbyes.

Re-entry
Takes me two weeks either way. I feel irritated with whatever country I am in and my kids during and after.
At some point though you'll feel you don't belong in either Scotland or America.

Trouble spots
First goodbyes are traumatic. Prepare husband for it. Say, "I don't know how to prepare us but know it's not you, it's the natural progression of things."

Healthier to let out. Don't hold in.

All goodbyes are traumatic. Pray through whole thing.

Holidays/Festivals
When holidays come, ask your husband what's important to him and his family and practice - get a lady mentor to teach you what to do (like for Thanksgiving)! "Would the family find it special to come over??"
Your family's birthdays are hard. So are the first Thanksgiving, first Christmas away from home.

Etiquette
Make list of words not used here:
for example pants, fanny

Learn about their table manners. They probably have rules like tip your bowl away from you and lay silverware down on right side together when finished. And walk guests to the door/car, don't slam the door in their face.

If unsure ask your husband!

If you get raised ebeybrows, turn to a sweet old lady and said, "May I ask you a question? Did I just say something really inapproprirate?"

Observation is key.

Book recommendation
Shaunti Felthan - For Women Only

Last thoughts
It's going to be okay, God will not abandon me.
Dwell on what God's doing now.
Contentment in the moment
Define one by positives
Keep Humor in it!
It's the little things you long for. Treat yourself sometime.
Go in with an open mind - I'm going to be me.
Find God in it.
Feel the U.K. is best."

Thanks, C.S.! I do feel the U.K. is best!

In Love with Scotland

Who wouldn't want their own personal Mr. Darcy? I mean come on. The accent is so attractive all by itself. But I digress.

There is a lot to love about the U.K. (and not just my husband!). Here are a few:

• you don't have to drive
• you don't have to make the bed (you leave it to "air out")
• you can take a break from hectic life and have a cup of tea
• you can celebrate extra holidays
• you can hear cool accents
• you can explore castles
• you can have tea parties
• you can eat amazing cream, chocolate and tea! (And you thought there was no good tasting food in the U.K.!)

Someone once said, If life isn't the way you like it, then like it the way it is. Now that I think about it, I DO love cold, bleak, rainy days. I really do. They give you an excuse to stay at home and make scones, tune up the Scottish folk music, and read a book. When someone knocks on the door, you put down your collection of Burns (or Sir Walter Scott, or Robert Lewis Stevenson) to invite your poor, soaking husband in from work. The Angel of the House has been at work! His eyes light up. "What's for tea?"

Obtaining Dual Citizenship

(Background: Husband=British, me=American, baby=born in the UK)

We found it helpful to break the process into steps:
1. register baby's birth
2. register with American consulate
3. register with general practitioner
4. apply for British passport
5. child benefit/tax credits (within first 3 months)

Step 1: Registering the baby’s birth (British side of things).
Our appointment: December 13, 10 to 11 (10:50 am). Office: 59-63 George IV Bridge, Edinburgh EH1 1RN (you can pick the one closest to you. My mum-and-dad-in-law picked me up in their car for this - huzzah for wonderful, dedicated family!).
 Need to bring: just card from hospital + marriage cert. (I brought other documents just in case but didn't need them)
 Duration: 10 min (there is a longer council-related bodies one - but that's only for people on benefits and lasts 30 minutes.)
They automatically give you free small cert but also ask and pay for (10 pounds I believe) longer one please which has both parents' names on it. YOU WILL NEED THIS.

Step 2: American consulate
NOTE: It is illegal for an American citizen to travel on a non-American passport. This message was plastered over every wall of the consulate. That isn't the best place for it because I have known one or two families who procrastinate on getting their American child's passport for years, and travel on a British or other one instead. This is illegal!

We made appointment with American consulate via their website - do not be phased if you make a mistake, you can change the appointment time online with only about 7 freak-outs from the website.

You must turn in a packet of paperwork 7 days prior to your appointment. We used Dec 13th to fill in the forms and collect that paperwork. We thought we had limited time because of the consulate being closed so much around Christmas.

ANOTHER THING about the American consulate, they are in Edinburgh but you cannot just drop in to ask a question. You cannot get through on the phone - it's all automated messages. What you CAN do is drop off your paperwork packet 7 days in advance in person, if whoever answers the door is feeling charitable. No one at the consulate as far as I can tell is actually American.

I am afraid this application process for getting the baby acknowledged by the American government couldn't be more complicated. I was required to apply for three things simultaneously at the consulate:

- a consular report of birth abroad

- the baby's American passport

- the baby's social security number


These each have a separate form.

I printed these three forms and also included in my application

-a copy of our marriage certificate
-three copies of the child's long-form British birth certificate
-two copies of the details page of my US passport
-one copy of the details page of my husband's passport
-and a note giving the time and date of my appointment

.

My husband got away from work for an hour to attend, as he, baby and I all had be there in person.

Photographs for passport application:
We got the baby's photo taken for American passport paperwork. If I were doing this over, I'd get BOTH his American passport photos and British passport photos taken at the same time.

From http://london.usembassy.gov/cons_new/faqs/faq_passports.html :
"How do I photograph a baby?
Photo requirements are the same for all applicants. In the case of very young babies the head may be supported as long as the baby's face is clear. The baby's eyes need not be open."

We took Zeddy at 4 days of age to get his photo taken at the Digital Image Center at the top of Leith Walk (27, Elm Row, Edinburgh , EH7 4AH, Tel: 0131 557 8186
). They often do American passport photos. We took the baby in his car seat, laid a cream/gray sheet behind him and tried to keep him from screaming. His eyes were closed, his mouth open but we got one that was accepted! I think that they gave me 3 copies for £5.

For more information on the process, see the American embassy of London's website for information or call the American consulate and listen to the automated messages for more up-to-date info!

Complications:
A complication we had is that I had not updated my married name with the American social security service, not having to work in the states since my marriage. They did not deny Zeddy's social security number application (and also passport, etc) because of this. I did get a rather long-suffering letter from the London embassy saying "Will you PLEASE update your SSN name now?" with the form attached.

Something else we forgot: to measure the baby.  They wanted us to fill in the hair color, eye color and height sections. For some reason we hadn't measured the baby at the hospital so we ended up measuring him against a tape on the door to peels of laughter from all the other folk in the waiting room.

Expect to pay $205 NOT the 100 they say on their website. This is because they are badly organized and like to lie to you (actually it's because the consular report is 100 and the passport is 105 - some people get them separately).

Consulate appointment:
Husband and I were quite nervous. We’d done the mountain ranges which could fill small islands or archipelagos of paperwork, we’d had the baby’s passport photo taken, I’d done my fair share of tears and sweat and freaking out.

Alison and Stephen our in-laws drove us there.

There was a crying baby in the waiting room. Americans from Aberdeen had to come in on train with toddler and little baby. The 2-week-old howled and screeched the whole time till his mother fed him. She seemed really awkward about feeding in public. I had expressed a bottle to avoid that trauma but I don’t think I’m all that freaked out about it now.

It is set up like a bank. You are called up to a till and your paperwork assessed through a glass front.

We had left a few things blank which we had been unsure about. The woman who called us up briskly told us what to write in those spots. She had us sign and date the documents and then wait again while they were processed for the last time. We were called up one last time to sign again and have a sort of information security check. We also had a chance to ask questions.

Two pieces of misinformation: payment of 205 dollars as opposed to 100. We did not need an affadavit proving the time I spent in the states - as the passport instructions made out (follow directions from the embassy/consulate web sites rather than the instruction sheets for the individual forms, as bizarre as that might seem). Also they did not need to see all my old passports (we had sent copies of them, that was enough).

The affadavit is for people who need to prove they lived at least 5 years in the states – but she managed to pull up my 12-year-old passport (on computer? Photocopy?) which worked fine.  [According to one site, "Provide proof of your physical presence in the U.S. before the child's birth.

Please submit old passports, if available, as evidence. If unavailable, other evidence, such as school transcripts, may be accepted."]
At the end of the appointment they told us Zeddy had his American identity and the documents would be sent to us in the post.

I had memory loss about what years I studied at university during the information quizz. That was kinda embarrassing.

Otherwise we were fine!

We came home and had chocolate pie to celebrate. I had a bath (I was told to have at least two baths a day by the midwife) and two naps with Zeddy.

Update: The passport and report arrived in the post in about a week all three times we've done it through the Consulate.

Tip: Double check all the updated guildlines on the Edinburgh consulate and London embassy's own sites.

Step 3: register with general practitioner
This is important to do early on! There is a form that our surgery hands out for you to fill in. The dad can drop it off the surgery (or your mother-in-law or your health visitor) when completed. Midwives visit you daily or regularly the first couple of weeks. After Day 10, you graduate to Health Visitors. Your baby is given Red Notes (kind of like your Blue Notes when you're pregnant) which must be taken to appointments.
The hospital sends you invitations for the baby's appointments and immunizations. The Health Visitor arranges her visits with you.

Step 4: apply for British passport
We are doing this right now. You can pick up forms from local post offices or find them online and print at home. You will need to send off original documents including the British parent's passport, the baby's American passport, and your marriage certificate. You also have to collect data like when the baby's British grandparents were born and married.

Step 5: child benefit/tax credits (within first 3 months)
I haven't done this yet. It's a little tricky for us as I don't have indefinite Leave to Remain yet. I don't have the right to this stuff but my husband does, however I'm worried it will look bad on our record when I go to apply for Leave to Remain. We may miss the first 5 months of this so as not to muddy the waters.

Hello World!

With the internet being what it is, I don't doubt another American girl will fall for a British guy (or vice versa) and end up living in a foreign country and I wanted to share some of the angst, experience and advice I have been graced with over the years. Maybe someone else can benefit someday.

Getting married to my British husband and having a baby were some of the best things I ever did. Really. Cross-cultural marriage can be tough. It can also be great. I have had a wonderful experience but I was forewarned it would be difficult and it hasn't been without its trials. But anything worth doing has its ups and downs.

I feel we've been through the wringer with crossing the cultural divide, handling paperwork, getting married, handling paperwork, coping with family issues, and handling paperwork.

But it's worth doing.