Surgical Strike Day Trips from Edinburgh

Anyone who has traveled in Europe knows it is expensive. As a study abroad student, it can seem daunting if not impossible to make the most of being in Europe.

If you are already paying for accommodation in Europe in the form of longish term student housing or you have the ability to stay with friends for free, consider taking day trips to defray the cost of traveling. What do I mean?

Say you have 300 pounds that you saved or borrowed from your parents to travel in Europe. You could either blow all of that on 

• a weekend in London, Prague or Oslo

OR

• a day trip to a castle 20 miles away

• a day trip to a ruined abbey 30 miles away

• a day trip to a fashion museum in a quaint village 45 miles away

• a day trip to a railway museum and afternoon tea 40 miles away

• a day trip to a royal hunting lodge

• a day trip to a famous lake and beautiful spot

What I am saying is that you can make that 300 pounds go into 6 day trips or 1 weekend away by cutting out the cost of overnighting.

behind: Dunnattor Castle, near Stonehaven

This analysis is based on the idea of a couple - a guy and a girl, or two girls/guys - traveling together and that each day trip would cost no more than 50 pounds - which requires you to take a picnic and use non-1st-class public transport. 

Doing solo trips, you might be able to do a day trip for 20 or 25 pounds and even get a cup of coffee.

Cut out the cost of dead time

Doing day trips will almost definitely give you more hours of sightseeing. 

A lot of what we spend money on is where we sleep, which is 'dead time' as far as soaking up atmosphere, learning interesting facts and actually seeing Europe is concerned. No matter what hotel booking websites say, your hostel or b&b is not going to be your favorite part of your trip.

Traquair House

European Capitals - the right way to see Europe?

You want to go to London, Prague or Oslo? You've spent your whole life wondering how big 'Big Ben' actually is, or it's your dream to see Prague at midnight, or your grandfather was from Oslo and said it was the wonderful beautiful city in the world? That's fine. If that's really what you want to do, do it! 

In my experience, most people think they have to go to European capitals to do Europe properly. If you are going in the summer however, Rome with the heat of crowds might be unbearable, whereas the Scottish Borders would be perfect.

Off the beaten track

A lot of people who travel come away wishing they had actually spoken to more locals, gone to an authentic pub and knew something about the culture they visited.

The best way to do that is to avoid the major tourist traps and do the lesser-known sites. Go for lesser-known cities (Edinburgh rather than London, Bayeux rather than Paris, Bath rather than London) or even better - villages you've maybe never heard of for example Peebles, Berwick-upon-Tweed or Stonehaven! Every village has its own story and you can often find hidden gems nearby.

Some of our best experiences have been exploring ruined castles, fairytale woodland, and rolling countryside that was basically in the middle of nowhere.

You might be surprised at the amazing opportunities within easy shooting distance of your university or study experience.

The other nice thing about day trips is you can wait till the weather is right. Who wants to waste their entire week of holiday in Skye during a week-long deluge? Spread out the fun and choose your timing to commune with nature. Or if you're limited for time, choose places like Edinburgh which have a good mixture of indoor and outdoor activities.

Day Trips with Kids

When I was little I was a phenomenal brat and the situation inevitably exploded epically after 3 hours. My parents came up with the rule that we could never be away from home for more than 3-5 hours. This strategy was labeled 'The Surgical Strike.'

Holy Island, Lindisfarne

My kids aren't nearly the brats I was as a kid and they can do about 6-9 hours without flipping out. I know because that's the point on our international flights that turns.

There's nothing you can do about international travel taking a loooong time but there IS a solution for family holidays. The Family Day trip is our vision of the Surgical Strike.

Pros to the Day Trip model of family holidays:

• never away from home longer than 6-9 hours (though now that my youngest is almost out of the Terrible 2's, we can do 12 hours if there is icecream, naps, play parks, friends, or other distractions)

• saves money that might have been spent on hotels/B+B's/caravans/self-catering cottages

• kids sleep better in their own beds

• you can pack the kids' favorite snacks and a picnic, saving on food spending (without a car, we would never be able to pack enough food for a week's holiday anyway - not unless we took a massive suitcase on the train)

• you can choose good weather - if you book a week's holiday in Skye in a cabin and then the weather report is slated to be terrible, there's nothing you can do; whereas if you are hopping on a train or bus to go 10 or 20 miles away, you can wait till the last minute and check the weather forecast, almost guaranteeing good weather (almost because this is Scotland and it rains here - a lot)

• you can assess kids' moods on the morning

• you can spread out the fun to pace your kids

Cons:

• You are limited to about 3 and a half hours' travel

• It can be a loooong day if the roads or rail lines are unexpectedly closed or delayed on the way home

• You may procrastinate and never get around to doing it as it requires laying out the clothes the night before and checking the weather forecast and then the next day getting up early, making a picnic and getting out the door before 10 am.

I find with the kids, the more adaptable the situation is to their needs, the better. The Surgical Strike Day Trip model for family holidaying works that way for us.

Also see:

Arniston House - 13 miles from Edinburgh
Traquair House - 29 miles from Edinburgh

Abbotsford - 40 miles from Edinburgh
Stirling - 42 miles from Edinburgh
Dunfermline - 45 miles from Edinburgh
Lindisfarne - 70 miles from Edinburgh
Bamburgh - 76 miles from Edinburgh
Sweetheart Abbey - 80 miles from Edinburgh
York - 200 miles from Edinburgh

What I am telling my little sister about traveling in Europe this year or what I wish I had known on my first solo trip

I made a lot of mistakes on my first trip abroad alone. I got terribly sunburned. I forgot things at the place I was staying. I over-packed. 

Europe has changed a lot in the last few decades but particularly with the influx of hundreds of thousands of immigrants from the East over the last few years. This has huge ramifications for single women traveling abroad. 

Here are my top tips for any single gal:

• Wear sunscreen as normal - I did not realise this but it is possible to get sunburned in Scotland and other European countries but YES it is.
• Take usual prescriptions - a lot of people's trips have been ruined by forgetting their prescriptions. I knew someone to come to the UK who was allergic to something, and spent the whole trip sneezing and with watery eyes. 
• Wear head scarves - not like Muslims, like elegant French ladies or Audrey Hepburn 
  
• The drinking age is 18 rather than 21 in some European countries - always question why a dude is buying you a drink, what he wants, etc. 
• Not everyone in a pub is deeply suspect and it might be okay to trade email addresses with someone (I wish I had for my husband instead of making him run searches on my name for two months on Facebook)
• Wear a security pouch with most of your money and personal identification info on you - it's always worth keeping your change in a separate jacket pocket so it's easy to pull out when you are getting on the bus
• If you have to catch a late night train or bus by yourself, try to spend the dead time in a well-lit Internet cafe or see if your b and b or hostel will let you wait in the common room till it's time to go. 
• Try to set up door-to-door transport if you can afford it and if you would have to walk more than five minutes by yourself in semi-dark or dark streets - i.e. order a taxi
• If you do feel under threat, go beserk and scream and make a fuss
• I wouldn't judge anyone who decided to wear a fake wedding ring but I don't think that will protect you from the real baddies
• When in doubt, travel to Scotland, which is much safer than most of Europe
• Take care when using atm machines - I would say don't use them at all if you can help it
• Take student id - it may get you discounts on tickets
• Fly in and out of airports with regular flights to your destination - that way if you get delayed, it will be hours not a whole day that you have to wait around - I once planned a 5 day trip to Scotland but got delayed in Memphis for 24 hours, so I effectively lost 20% of my trip
• Take a backpack instead of roller suitcase - something that has happened several times to me is on small connecting flights they force everyone with carry on luggage like wheelie cases to 'gate check' at the last minute. They say there is no space in the overhead compartments. If you have a backpack then you can promise to keep it on your lap or under the seat in front and thus avoid your luggage being taken. Often the delay of unloading 'gate checked ' bags is the difference between making your connecting flight or not. If you check a massive suitcase like I did, I guarantee you will not wear or use the majority of what you pack and you'll have to haul it around with you like a millstone round your neck. You can't just nip out for a long weekend to Prague if you feel so moved when you have a ton of stuff. It's much better to run out of something and 'have' to buy a scarf or some memento in Europe, rather than bring everything you think you could possibly use.
• Pack light - clothes you love, can sleep in, etc
• Learn to hand-wash clothes in a sink and hang on a radiator or rail to dry. It's easier than trying to find a laundromat on a whip-round tour. It means you can also pack lighter. On a road trip in France once, I brought only two or three outfits for each person and just washed anything that got messy in the sink every night. Some b&bs have heated towel rails - these seem to have been a fad about twenty years ago - and those dry your clothes super fast! You can also ask if your host has an airing cupboard, which is a closet where the boiler lives and hence is warmer.
• Research the destination before you go - I always draw my own map even if it's not exactly to scale, and fill the backside of it with taxi numbers, American consulate numbers, and credit card cancellation numbers.
• Check in with family regularly - the best thing my professor made us do on our trip abroad was to blog. I think we had to blog every day but I can't quite remember if it was 4 times a week or what. It helped me remember my trip better and I also have a reference to meeting my husband before I knew it was him. He found the blog reference with his excellent stalking skills which I am very grateful for or we would never have seen each other after that pub. 
• Find grocery store - this can save you a lot of money. In the UK, it is 10 to 20 times more expensive to eat out than to eat at home. A bowl of lentil soup which I could make for under 20 p will go for 5 quid. I could make a Mexican feast for 8 people for 10 pounds but the shops will sell one measly plate of enchiladas for 12.50. I could go on but basically just find a grocery store. Or bring zip lock bags full of coffee and other essentials.
• Wear dark sunglasses to avoid the problem of making eye contact and smiling at Mediterranean men and them seeing this as invitation 
  
• Never go out at night without a group, preferably including two muscular young guys. If you are wondering why google the Cologne and Hamberg attacks, where girls were systematically separated from other girls or even boyfriends to be sexually assaulted or raped by gangs of immigrant men. Most days of the year this won't happen but it is better to be safe than sorry.
• Never go out with something low cut, open-backed or showing thighs-down if you can help it. Unlike Christians who take responsibility for lustful feelings and whom Jesus told to pluck out the other eye if it leads to sin, Muslim men get angry at immodesty and then use the anger to attack the girl and often molest her. Talk about blaming the victim. If they like how you look and think they can get away with harassing you, they will. A lot of the Syrian 'children' brought to safety are now out-of-control 19-year-olds without parents in a foreign country. Think about it.

It is a wonderful opportunity to get to travel. Just be sure to be prepared and wise if you are a single girl traveling alone! 

The Pedestrian Life with Kids

As if parenting wasn't a marathon on its own, we decided to do it without a car. 

Of course we got our in-laws to pick us up from the hospital after having the baby. After that I thought it would be smooth sailing. Here are my initial thoughts:

Pros:

• this will help me lose my baby weight!
• healthy lifestyle example for the kids
• good for the baby too
• creating the sort of the world I want my kids to grow up in - with fewer emissions, living responsibly
• giving the frugal example to my kids

Cons:

• a tad slower maybe
• less motion sickness while walking
• more motion sickness when using public transport - buses and trains tend to make me more sick than cars

Almost 5 years later here are the updated listings:

Pros:

• it did help me lose baby weight and then a bit more which left me a bit thin and frail and open to every cold and infection (including mastitis - three times! Okay maybe this should be a con. It IS possible to lose too much weight and run yourself ragged.)
• healthy....ish
• living responsibly, smaller footprint
• giving frugal examples to the kids
• not having to strap in children into car seats - I mean seriously car seats are mind bogglingly difficult sometimes. They leap in the buggy and off we go! A lot less twisting and bending over shadowy carseats is probably good for my back.
• being able to pay more attention to my kids - when driving, you can't make eye contact and talk to your kid like on the bus!
• napping - both children can nap on the way to a destination or one child can nap while the other plays, rather than everyone being locked in the car for the duration of baby's nap

Cons:

• curbs - the city centre is better about having slopes for buggies and wheelchairs, these days in the outskirts we do a lot of lifting the buggy over tall curbs
• pushing a buggy makes your butt look bigger because of the angle you have to walk at
• the baby who wants to breastfeed ALL THE TIME - I know some people have a knack for slings where the baby can continually suck but I never managed that. Partially because in Edinburgh there is always someone looking down at you from a tall building so in a rural landscape, you could probably get away with it, but not in Edinburgh. Also if you walk an hour with a baby in a sling, things come undone no matter how carefully you set them up.
• everyone judging your parenting and life choices - seriously in a car no one can tell if you have two kids under the age of two but on the street you can not only see the condemnation in their eyes but hear the shocked murmuring ('Do you suppose they're twins?'...'Hasn't she ever heard of birth control?')
• When you are far away from shops and friends and your toddler announces he's hungry or thirsty, having eaten your cute picnic in the first ten minutes of the trip
• when it starts to rain and you forgot the rain cover
• when the wheel pops off the buggy after a three hour ordeal to the diy store to get a toilet seat, and when you go to take the toilet seat out it falls out of its wet cardboard packaging and scratches itself on the ground 
• your child gets pooped on by gulls
• your child gets sniffed or licked by passing dogs
• your child gets icy winds, sand, rain rushing into his delicate soft face, causing him to scream, and all the old ladies in the nearby bus shelter to laugh hysterically at you as you beat a quick retreat into the shelter and explain 'Och when mine were wee, I used to be known to walk backwards in this sort of weather!'
• breathing problems - this hasn't happened to my children, but other kids who seem predisposed to breathing problems seem to get more frequent flare-ups if pushed in the buggy. A theory is that buggies are at the level where all the smog and car emissions and dust, etc, are at their worst. One lady I met at a bus stop claimed that the reason modern kids have more outbreaks of asthma is because the old silvercross prams were much higher off the ground and less likely to expose the kids of bygone eras to low-lying gases and dust.
• cold - some children, particularly premature babies, are more susceptible to the cold. Even healthy children will have huge body temperature drops if you're out long enough - say on a three hour walk. You may be warm from pushing the buggy but the kids aren't! So wrap up and I mean socks, shoes, three layers, a hat, and something for their hands.
• kid's hands - always hard if the toddler refuses to wear gloves or mittens. I have been known to sew scratch mitts onto toddlers' shirts in the past. Or if the temperature isn't so bad, sometimes I allow them to keep their hands inside the cosy-toes.
• mud splashes - thinking of when waiting for a 26 bus and a different bus from the one we wanted, a 19 bus, wallowed into a mud-filled hole in the street and splashed my toddler and me from head to toe with greasy mud. It smelled like the worst city runoff and stained our clothing, buggy and cosy-toes permanently. 
• cyclists - generally a friendly bunch but when they cycle on the sidewalk which is illegal here, it's rather annoying not to mention downright dangerous with small children in tow
• storage - in a car, you can bring everything but the kitchen sink. Even in buggies with generous storage space, only 1/2 is really available since the remaining space is full of rain covers, coats, and other emergency items relating to the buggy. Some people carry around an extra buggy wheel for example. This means you are more frequently caught out without that one essential item (usually water, which is heavy, bulky and tends to leak - not my favorite thing to pack, or a third change of clothes or a bag to pick up the dog poo all over the children's playground or a towel. My kids always seem to choose the wet slides to go down or the biggest puddles to jump in, or the ponds at the parliament to fall in, so this is the one thing I always seem to be without!).
• kids who need a toilet when there is none around - and in freezing temperatures it's kinda hard to ask them to pee outside! With an audience.
• kids who announce they've wet their pants just after you leave whatever fun place you've been but when you still have 30 minutes before you're home - if you had a car, you could change them inside a semi-sheltered space, but a buggy is fairly exposed in terms of wind, rain and people staring at wee guy's privates. I once changed him in a shop behind some crates. When I got up I realize the security cameras were pointed straight at us. No one said anything though. Thank goodness for the British! A Parisian would have given me a stern lecture and the Germans would have marched me out to wherever they put homeschoolers.
• toddlers in a tantrum
• toddlers in a nosedive tantrum
• motorists - When I was a snotty 3-year-old I remember walking on the sidewalk nearest the road and Mrs. Walters, a family friend, saying, 'Don't do that, you might get run over.' to which I replied with 110% obnxiousness 'Cars don't drive on the sidewalk.' to which the wise Mrs. Walters replied, 'You never know where cars will go.' So then 25 years later, we got run into by a car when the kids were in the buggy and we were crossing the street! The kids were fine, the driver had been reversing and his mirror was broken and he paid for the buggy, so I don't think he's the worst person ever, but it was terrifying. I am officially sorry, Mrs. Walters, you were right. And Defensive Pedestrianizing was born. I now behave as if cars were an alien species bent on eradicating the human race.

I originally decided to raise kids without a car to lose my 'baby weight,' and for other reasons but I have since noted that anyone who raises more than one kid without a car for more than two years goes to phsyiotherapy. It destroys your body. Yes I burned off that baby fat but if you injure your back, neck, wrist, or leg you have no time to rest and recover. Even with a car, you might feel you have no reprieve and just keep re-injuring the body part. But without a car it's truly merciless.

If you want to push your kids around a city in a buggy for a year or two, I think you could get away with that but NOT if 

• you have pelvic girdle pain (particularly if you were planning to use a buggy board, which my friend's phsyiotherapist told her is the worst for your back)
• postpartum depression
• any serious recurring injury of back, neck, or limbs (having said that, I struggled with my left knee for years but it never bothered me while pushing the buggy until this week - so it just depends)

Walking with kids can be a great way to be healthy, save money and teach kids it's important to act on our beliefs like wanting to look after God's creation as good stewards. But there are definitely downsides.

The Pedestrian Life for Me

When I was just about to get married and move to Scotland I had the idea that living without a car would be great. I had driven since I got my license at sixteen and drove my eight younger siblings and all their friends places. Everyone seemed happy to entrust me with their kids' lives.

Having a friend die in a car accident made me nervous every time I got out the car keys and the responsibility of driving so many children weighed on me like eight white, 11-passenger conversions stacked on top of each other. 

When D and I married and moved to Scotland, I saw it as an opportunity to throw off driving for good! I was thrilled at the idea of no more hassle related to maintaining a car. Clearly it's a lot easier to do in Europe but I managed to talk it up so much that two of my brothers are now living car-free in Berkeley and Seattle. Other friends lived car-free in a non-urban setting in Florida, with the help of bicycles. It can be done in the States!

Six years ago my pro and cons list looked like this:

Pros

• Saves money - no forking out money for yet another car repair!
• No oil changes
• No running out of water (why do cars need water??)
• No tire changes
• No driving for hours
• No waiting in traffic
• In Europe there's good public transport so it should be easy to live without a car!

Cons

• No cons!

I was naive. Six years later, I have never driven in Scotland. On brief trips to America, I have borrowed one of my parents' cars. The pedestrian life is not exactly what I imagined.

Here is in insider's perspective on living without a car:

Pros

• free!
• snow, ice doesn't stop you
• healthy 
• nice people give you lifts - without which we could not have managed this
• saves money
• saves time - cleaning/maintaining car
• saves frantic parking maneuvers
• accessibility to shops - no bus money = no problem, just hop into the corner shop and buy a ridiculously overpriced snack and ask for change in the right coins
• accessibility to help - you can ask for directions more easily than someone in a car, you can also pick up random gloves off the ground and wear them as one desperate friends of mine with cold hands has been known to do!

Cons

• broken toe = skrewed
• broken leg = skrewed
• injury of ankle/knee/foot/any part of leg = screwed
• any other kind of injury = not good. I have hobbled three blocks to the bus stop two days after childbirth and it is not fun. Public transport only gets you so far.
• takes long time - I thought it was tedious waiting 45 minutes in traffic of cars but I have since walked more than hour to get places and that is a lot more tiring - especially if pregnant and breastfeeding
• rain - there's nothing so miserable as the rain starting fifteen minutes after you have left home and knowing you have another 30 minutes to go without a rain jacket, hat or gloves
• cold - till I moved to Scotland I thought I loved the cold - but I really just liked hopping out of the car and walking 10 minutes in a t-shirt to wherever I needed to go year round. I never quite realized the power of body temperature dropping, especially with the sun going behind clouds and wind picking up, over the better part of an hour's walk.
• heat - I can't complain too much about this in Scotland, but when it's hot there's no air conditioning outside of John Lewis and I have been pregnant in the summer before so 'nuff said.
• sun burn - my sister says I can burn under a reading lamp so yes I do burn in Scotland though I don't think most people have this problem. It usually happens in April so I can't really relate to 'Oh to be in England now that April's there....'
• wind burn - my face has never been so chapped or dry as in winters in Scotland! 
• health - if already thin and poorly, a long walk in the cold might not be the best thing. A long walk when already 'low' in health terms might push you over the edge to getting a cold or some other infection.
• distance - obviously there are upward limits to how far you can walk (like no more than 3 miles and back in my case. D can do 7 or 8 in a day with no complaints.)
• groceries - there's always that milk or one ingredient you've forgotten. And it's always cheapest at the shops more than a mile away. 
• food bill - Do you know how many extra calories you burn when you walk everywhere? The medieval man burned 2,000 more calories than we. I wouldn't say a pedestrian life burns that many. It depends how many hours you walk and how many stairs or hills are involved. If you walk 1 hour a day - which isn't much if you think about it - that's an extra 287 calories. Kiss goodbye the ideal of having a yogurt and piece of fruit for lunch everyday like your mom and granddad. It's something to take into account if you're trying to pinch the food budget.
• anything large - plant sale, skip-ful of rocks, abandoned furniture is not really an option - I don't even look at bulky free stuff! It's a recipe for being discontent.
• stinky smells - people in Edinburgh seem to feel entitled to wee on the street like in medieval times
• transparency - I knew a single mom in the States who used her trips in the car as her only opportunity to cry. One of the things I love and hate about Edinburgh is you can't do that without someone asking if you if you're okay. You can't talk things out with yourself either. Not without funny looks anyway.
• requires energy - sometimes let's face it, we don't feel  up to walking 3 miles for groceries. We just don't. So order groceries online you say? Yes I have found you can do all things if enough planning-ahead has happened but sometimes you're just inexplicably tired when you thought you'd be fine, and just didn't see a huge flop coming.
• you buy a LOT of shoes with fancy insoles, and they all wear out in 6 to 9 months.
• OR you do not buy shoes with fancy insoles and suffer ingrown toenails, cracked calluses, and frequent trips to the podiatrist where you see signs on the walls recommending shoes that fit at heel, arch and toes with fancy insoles - and you feel stupid. You feel you would happily have forked out the extra 25 dollars to avoid this level of feeling stupid. 

  

  our shoes after 6 months

• roundabouts which take forever to cross (one of the negatives to living in Europe; American crossings are much faster)
• no matter what kind of shoes we buy, three pairs wear out per year
• I can rarely buy more than £20 worth of groceries while at the shops because I can't carry more than that - lack of upper body strength is part of it but so is that more then £20 is a LOT of stuff if you are as cutthroat frugal as I am. The average UK family spends 80 pounds on food per week. That would be 4 trips to the grocery store for me if we spent that much and didn't get online shopping once to four times a month.
• long waits for lights
• mud splatters from passing cars - I seriously think some people are careless and stupid but others do it on purpose
• emissions - you may not drive or smoke but everyone around you does!
• slow people - nothing more trying than on a day when you're in a tearing rush that the universe conspires to put a gaggle of four slow-walking women spanning the entire pavement. I have almost been run over a few times when taking to the open road whilst trying to outmaneuver the slow-moving pack.
• angry people who punch random passersby (D saw this once! And in Edinburgh - not Glasgow!)
• pigeons poo on you - I am going to have to say you have not lived in Edinburgh if this has not happened to you or your favorite coat. I knew someone this happened to her baby. 

Despite the negatives, I am thankful we were able to live as pedestrians despite a growing family for 6 years because of the amounts we have been able to save.

In a time when people spend more on running a car than on a house, the running costs for a car in the UK are between 100 and 500 per month for most people though some claim the average is 557.

I calculate we have saved a minimum of 10,000 but probably more realistically 16,000-20,000 on car-related costs over the last 6 years. Which makes it all worth it.

Culture Shock

I met a young woman from Colorado today in the play park with her 14-month-old son. She said, "I knew you weren't from around here because you are friendly." Then she told me her life story - how she worked in tourism before she met her Scottish husband and settled down here. 

She rolled her eyes. "People in Edinburgh they just don't care to be friendly."

You are suffering from culture shock, I thought. I didn't say it though. She had at least 10 years on me. I just put on a sympathetic smile. We all have days like that.

She had to leave to go on a road trip - family obligation, very important, you know what day it is.

Today is Robert Burns Day. Robert Burns, author of "My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose" and "Auld Lang Syne", is the Shakespeare of Scotland. Today is a Scottish holiday. You are supposed to eat haggis, neeps and tatties, shortbread and stick toffee pudding. No sooner will you finish hearing "wee, sleekit, cowan, tim'rous beastie" than the dagger falls on the sheep's bladder and it all goes up in steam. Everyone dusts off their family kilt and the bagpipers play with added gusto round the city till your ears ring.

Isn't that how YOU celebrate January 25th every year?

How to Cope with Culture Shock

1. Focus on the Positive

Stacia, a PhD student's wife I met at a church event, confided in me, "The cream here is amazing! I would have gained so much weight if not for all this walking we do here. Don't you love how you can walk everywhere you need to go?" She might just as easily put a negative spin on it and said "They don't pasteurize the milk products properly, resulting in an increased and outrageous level of buttercream fat in dairy - imagine! We are too poor to run a car so I have to walk miles to the supermarket and clothes outlets."

Having an initial positive attitude not only helps you but other people.

2. Do not idealize

I am an idealist by nature so I tend to do this. Before I had kids, I imagined I would spend most of my time cuddling sweet-smelling, cooing infants in dazzling rays of sunshine. In actual fact I spend a significant amount of time dashing madly between two boys' foul smelling nappies in a drab flat as one or both scream at me for attention, and  no one ever seems 100% okay.

My husband is an idealist too so we often argue about which country is better. I defend the UK (which of course is perfect) and my British husband defends the honour (or should I say honor?) of the United States of America. 

I say nappy. He says diaper.

I say mum. He addresses me to our kids as mom.

Anytime there is a particularly sordid story on the news or anytime I get a particularly snarly set of orders from the UK Border Agency, my husband throws his hands in the air and says, "This would never happen in America."

I assure him sordid things happen in the States and our border control is rubbish too. "You know you can say trash, dear," he says. "I like saying trash. There's nothing wrong with trash."

A seasoned cross-cultural married woman, originally from the UK but married and living in Canada for more than a decade, told me, "Never fall into the rut like I did of assuming everything's perfect here in the UK, or everything's perfect in Canada. What my husband and I eventually learned, after living in both our countries, is that there are good and bad things about both."

3. Don't be critical about the differences.

There is nothing less attractive than a foreigner criticizing everything and everybody.

A student we met recently writes at least 3 times a week on facebook or twitter about how bad British people's teeth are, how small the cars, and how hard British people are to talk to.

Dear foreigners: This is really not a goo way to make a good impression, says my British husband.

Top complaints:

-how awful the weather is

-how disgusting the food

-how inferor all the shops and supermarkets are to Walmart

-British people are so hard to talk to

-size of everything. How they would kill to be able to use a proper dryer or refridgerator with a freezer compartent bigger tthan a squashed shoe box.

-how hard it is to talk to British people. Well it would be easy if you were British! Did you expect it to be easy?

My sister just said everything was weird. The shower was weird. The bird poop was weird. The accents were weird. The food was GROSE! She was not so much as touching the haggis She would throw up if she had to touch it with a fork. Ew, ,ew ew.

This is not the way to live in a foreign country. Accept the differences. 

When I was learning how to give birth, someone suggested instead of resisting and tensing up during contractions, I should embrace them. Relaxing with minimize the pain. It really helped my second delivery.

So the same goes for painful cultural experiences. Embrace them!

4. Don't make sweeping generalizations

No one likes being put in a box. You probably don't enjoy people chatting about "those loud, pushy Americans" as if all Americans are loud and pushy.

I often hear people say how hard it is to talk to British people, how unfriendly they are. But the fact is that Edinburgh folk are quite reserved but people from Glasgow are mostly an extraordinarily  outgoing, friendly, bend-over-back-wards-to-be-nice-to-you lot. Some British friends I know would lay down their lives for me.

5. Don't expect a sense of Home

One American friend who has lived here for so long that she has a British accent which can convince even British people told me when asked the  secret to being at home in the UK, "Our real home is in heaven."

If you are a Christian, you know this world is not the be all end all. My Father's House has many mansions, Jesus said.

6. Find older role models and enlist the help of mature people in the culture who you trust to help.

Recently I made a joke in a mother toddler group which was not well received. I had brought cupcakes for my son's birthday and one young mum said, "Wow I'm so impressed you had time to do that." I joked, "Me too!" as I am always overwhelmed looking after two boys (hence why I post on this blog about once a year).

She just stared.

I wondered if I should have been more reserved and self-deprecating. I quickly sought out my most trusted British friend to demand what she thought. She laughed and put me at my ease at once. "Don't worry, I like that kind of humor. My favorite uncle carried on like that all the time," she said. "Other people got a bit offended but I always knew he was joking."

7. Find creative ways to keep family and friends part of your life.

The worst aspect of culture shock is missing family and friends.

Skype is great, MagicJack is great, but sometimes these can be hard to coordinate. I have talked to more than one person who felt hurt that her family never bothered to call her - that she always had to be the one to make the call.

It is easy to have misunderstandings and lose nuances on static-ridden, delayed, second-skipping calls. Persevere. Love knows all things, forgives all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never ends.

Find creative ways to keep them part of your life, persevere, don't take offense and always make time for them. And thank God if they do the same for you.

8. Break down the feelings of being overwhelmed by newness down

if you can't stand sing along time at the local school, spend a few hours on youtube learning the tunes and lyerics to the songs so you can sing along 

etc

9. Have grace for yourself. 

You may try really hard to be culturally sensitive and relevant but it's okay to keep your own cultural moorings too. 

I have learned I miss doing something on Thanksgiving. It doesn't have to be the full blown feast, but something on the day is nice.

Did you know you can get Hershey's syrup on amazon.co.uk or at specialty American food shops?

If you are desperate, it is usually cheaper to invest in whatever nostalgic thing you crave (Aunt Jemima's pancake mix, a visit home) than uproot your family and move countries. Keep things in perspective.

It helps me to make new traditions for my own family. If there is some confusion (perhaps stress as well) over how to spend a special day, make a compromise that makes everyone happy even if it has little or nothing to do with the traditional way of celebrating the holiday.

For example today is Burns Night. We had no haggis, no odes to mice (none of like haggis, and our mice infestation problem is too fresh in everyone's minds), but we did have some buttery, rich, almond shortbread for dessert and sang Auld Lang Syne.

Child benefit and Tax Credits (Step 5 of helping your child become a dual citizen living in the UK)

Step 5: child benefit/tax credits (within first 3 months)
I was not able to do this till my immigration status application for Indefinite Leave to Remain was accepted, so we only just became eligible for this.

Child benefit: the form arrives with your paperwork from the hospital.

Fill it out and send in your baby's birth certificate and (if your immigration status has changed in the last 3 months) your biometric card

Tax credits: Call their helpline to ask for a form. They will ask you questions. If your husband works for the government as a civil or public servant you will be reconnected to a hundred different people and your husband will have to be interviewed in person. Then they send you the form.

Fill it out and send your baby's UK passport (if they do not have two British parents).

By post: I was not comfortable sending important documents in normal post so I got special delivery for all these. I sent self-addressed special delivery envelopes enclosed as well.

Then after about a month of waiting, all our documents were returned and money sent to our bank account. Thank you, UK government!

Most Useful Tips for Living in the UK

1. Skype
http://www.skype.com/intl/en-gb/home
Skype is a free program you can download to your computer to make free international calls. You can chat, video-chat or just do voice calls. Group calls are also possible.
It the best and cheapest way I have found to stay in contact with family overseas! We love it.
The downside is that if your computer is an older model, you might have to do some searching to find a version that is compatible with your computer. I have a 5-year-old mac and had to search for Skype Version 2.8.0.866
Also it does have its hairy moments when things just do not work. It is good to have a backup plan if this happens. My parents have MagicJack and can call us with that if something breaks down. Some phone deals give you free international calls - this is only an option if you have BT to date.

2. Make use of helpful technology wherever possible.
For example: If you are constantly calling back and forth across the sea and time differences as noted above (and even if you do not now, then you probably will if you get pregnant or tragedy strikes on one side or another): make use of internet or computer based widgets which will provide clocks side by side of your time and your family's. So on those blurry, pregnancy/tragedy-wracked days you don't have to try to remember if it's forward or backwards or 5 hours or 6 hours, it's all there with one click. Or two. No more than two clicks or it would be faster to count on your fingers.
For apple users: add a second clock widget on your dashboard. Or two or three depending on how many time zones your family members reside in.

3. Print out a few handy sheets for baking conversions. I have attached my own sheets, which are probably a bit too comprehensive but I need them - I use them about once a week. But that's because Baking Day is once a week in our house so you might use them more than I (or less?). I have noticed that things like seasoning mixes and cake boxes cost more here. So instead of buying seasoning mixes and cake boxes, you tend to make your own seasoning blends and cakes UNLESS YOU CHEAT LIKE ME AND LINE YOUR SUITCASES WITH TACO SEASONING PACKETS. See note on "what to buy in the States" below.

4. Freecycle and freegle
Freecycle: http://www.freecycle.org/group/UK/Scotland
Freegle: http://www.ilovefreegle.org/
I LOVE freecycle. When people ask me, Isn't it terribly expensive having a baby? I try not to laugh. I got everything I needed on freecycle - or would have if I had wanted. We were gifted one or two things and my husband picked out a nicer highchair than you can generally find on freecycle to match our sitting room's decor. But generally you can find lots of things on freecyle for FREE, such as:
craft supplies, old curtains, packaging materials, cardboard boxes, roller blades, canned goods, high chairs, baby seats, strollers/pushchairs, cycle helmets, bikes, freezers, fridges, doors, tables, and even once I saw about 5 liters of Hershey's chocolate syrup!
What you do is email the person who is offering an item and ask if you may be considered the one to pick it up, and if so where and when to pick it up. You usually exchange cell numbers. It is important to be wise as serpents here and not stick your head into an eagle's claw but otherwise you'll be fine.
Freegle works the same as far as I can tell though it has a less sophisticated email riggamorole. Freecycle gives the option to send you one email a day with the Offers, Takens, and Receiveds in list format, whereas Freegle just dumps every email in your inbox. This could be as many as 30 a day. So if you like a nice tidy email inbox, do not sign up for freegle.

5. amozon.com
Or should I say amazon.co.uk? We use both! Instead of hauling presents halfway around the world every Christmas, we have an amazon.com account from which we order things from the States to the States. Likewise I have a wishlist on amazon.co.uk and my family can do the same for me! My husband and I were just married and setting up house and found that amazon.com had most things faster and cheaper (the exceptions were bulky and heavy things, which we bought from charity shops and T.K. Max. A few things were cheaper on ebay as well).

6. ebay.co.uk
'Nough said.

7. Be sensible about groceries
In this country a lot of people including me do not have cars. When you shop here,
a) do not try to carry too much
b) if you do want to carry too much and do not have enough slaves to do this for you, invest in a rolling grocery bag. They are sold at Poundstretchers and other general items for cheap shops.
c) if you find this too stressful, don't worry,  you can order your groceries online and have them delivered for a few pounds. We started doing this when I was pregnant and I was happily surprised. It was faster, easier, and turned out to be actually cheaper for us because I did not end up buying things that weren't on the list but just looked good or accidentally picking up the expensive version! Stores like to manipulate you. Online shopping puts the power in your hands. Needless to say I am NOT pregnant anymore but still using this.

8. Talk to locals. Here are a few years' of good tips I got from locals:
a) If you laundry line is sagging and dipping the cloths into the grass like ours, use a laundry line prop!
b) when someone has you over for dinner, call the next day to thank them. I used to write thank you emails but this really seems to be the cultural expectation and it's faster.
c) Do not ask for salt+pepper. This doesn't apply to every family but the ones where the granny attended Irish boarding school, the correct way to obtain salt and pepper (or a top-up for a drink, etc) is to turn to someone nearby and say: "Would you care for salt and pepper?" Even if they are eating icecream and wouldn't dream of adding salt and pepper, this is what you do to attain the salt and pepper if you really want it. Because they usually say, "No, but do YOU care for the salt and pepper?"

9. Size and weight conversions. Otherwise shopping can be very difficult!
http://www.usatourist.com/english/traveltips/shopping/shopping-womens-sizes.html

10. What to buy in the states
Know what is strategic to buy and bring back in the States, especially if you are only visiting home once in a blue moon (or once during your entire stay in the UK). Some things people have told me they like to buy in the States or have relatives bring for them:
Hershey's chocolate syrup (which you can coincidentally find on amazon or in specialty shops)
canned pumpkin (try Harvey Nichols or certain other specialty shops or Asian markets OCCASIONALLY have it for about £3.50)
taco seasoning packets
green chillies
containers of vanilla extract larger than half your pinkie
chocolate chips (the ones here are a bit melty - e.g. messy for toddlers - and don't taste quite the same as American ones)
shoes
clothes
contact lens liquid
the deodorant you liked at home
technology
boardgames
Christian homeschool curricula