Guest Blogger: Advice from a cross-cultural married lady in the trenches

I was engaged. I was clueless. This lady - let's call her C.S. - gave me a reality check. She had been married more than ten years. C.S. was from South Africa and living in the States the whole time. Here are the notes I took on what C.S. said:


"To the family back home
Write home when cheerful, not when about to explode.
Sometimes all your family needs to know is you're okay and thinking of them. Quick short paragraph emails.
If you are having a hard day, take a walk. Get some sunshine. Then come back and write to your mom.

Personal Strategies
When you feel worst, minister to others
Sometimes husbands get over-loaded! Find an older mentor to vent to / seek help from - someone who's rooting for both of you. Also if in-law problems come up, so he doesn't feel stuck in the middle.
But do go to your husband when you're homesick. He needs to be there for you.
Journal prayers
Quiet time
Don't not visit for a year.
Mental prep for goodbyes.

Re-entry
Takes me two weeks either way. I feel irritated with whatever country I am in and my kids during and after.
At some point though you'll feel you don't belong in either Scotland or America.

Trouble spots
First goodbyes are traumatic. Prepare husband for it. Say, "I don't know how to prepare us but know it's not you, it's the natural progression of things."

Healthier to let out. Don't hold in.

All goodbyes are traumatic. Pray through whole thing.

Holidays/Festivals
When holidays come, ask your husband what's important to him and his family and practice - get a lady mentor to teach you what to do (like for Thanksgiving)! "Would the family find it special to come over??"
Your family's birthdays are hard. So are the first Thanksgiving, first Christmas away from home.

Etiquette
Make list of words not used here:
for example pants, fanny

Learn about their table manners. They probably have rules like tip your bowl away from you and lay silverware down on right side together when finished. And walk guests to the door/car, don't slam the door in their face.

If unsure ask your husband!

If you get raised ebeybrows, turn to a sweet old lady and said, "May I ask you a question? Did I just say something really inapproprirate?"

Observation is key.

Book recommendation
Shaunti Felthan - For Women Only

Last thoughts
It's going to be okay, God will not abandon me.
Dwell on what God's doing now.
Contentment in the moment
Define one by positives
Keep Humor in it!
It's the little things you long for. Treat yourself sometime.
Go in with an open mind - I'm going to be me.
Find God in it.
Feel the U.K. is best."

Thanks, C.S.! I do feel the U.K. is best!

In Love with Scotland

Who wouldn't want their own personal Mr. Darcy? I mean come on. The accent is so attractive all by itself. But I digress.

There is a lot to love about the U.K. (and not just my husband!). Here are a few:

• you don't have to drive
• you don't have to make the bed (you leave it to "air out")
• you can take a break from hectic life and have a cup of tea
• you can celebrate extra holidays
• you can hear cool accents
• you can explore castles
• you can have tea parties
• you can eat amazing cream, chocolate and tea! (And you thought there was no good tasting food in the U.K.!)

Someone once said, If life isn't the way you like it, then like it the way it is. Now that I think about it, I DO love cold, bleak, rainy days. I really do. They give you an excuse to stay at home and make scones, tune up the Scottish folk music, and read a book. When someone knocks on the door, you put down your collection of Burns (or Sir Walter Scott, or Robert Lewis Stevenson) to invite your poor, soaking husband in from work. The Angel of the House has been at work! His eyes light up. "What's for tea?"